Not Broken, Just Bent
by The.Velvet.Dusk
Summary: Set somewhere in Season 4. Toby and Spencer are back together, but they are both feeling the strain of all that has been left unspoken. This is about learning to love [and trust] again. Multi-chapter fic, finished.
1. Chapter 1

**_a/n: This story floats somewhere in the scape of the season 4 future. I'm not really going into a lot of details on the mystery aspect of PLL, just doing my best to realistically handle the aftermath of all the SPOBY suffered through in season 3. Please let me know what you think & I'll keep updating! _**

**_I don't own a single character, nor do I own the song I chose for inspiration (Just Give Me A Reason, Pink ft. Nate Ruess)._**

_Now you've been talking in your sleep…_

After a long drive home and an even longer day at work, Toby Cavanaugh wanted nothing more than a hot shower, a satisfying meal, and good night's sleep. Now if that came with a side of Spencer Hastings, he would be on cloud nine. Unfortunately for the tired carpenter, his ability to call his girlfriend and suggest this plan had been cut off when he had mistakenly left his cell on the kitchen island early that morning. Pulling into his spot in the alley behind The Brew, Toby smiled in anticipation of the quiet night he had dreamed up in his head.

Things were certainly back on track between him and Spencer, but it still felt like there was a lot left unsaid. Their motel reconciliation had been sweeter than he had ever imagined, especially considering the dark downward spiral they had both experienced. The undercurrent of lies and malice had dragged the pair beneath the murky surface, but somehow they survived, breaking through the surface and gasping for clean air.

But with this renewed lease on happily ever after, Toby had no intentions of muddling this chance. He knew that Spencer, being Spencer, would need a much more comprehensive explanation of the gritty details before they would have any real peace. Both were skeptical as to where and when this kind of conversation could be securely held—his loft and her house both seemed out of the question, neither location having a good track record of safe past encounters. So the strain of unspoken words that didn't make the cut in their night of passion still floated aimlessly in the stratosphere, waiting to be disclosed.

Exhaling his burdens into the crisp spring night, Toby clunked up the metal stairs to his loft in his work boots. Thoughts of Spencer had never been far from the forefront of his mind, but she was permanently stuck there since their relationship had been rekindled a few weeks ago.

And as if conjured up by those very thoughts, it seemed like Spencer had magically appeared in his loft. A pair of tall brown leather boots was carefully aligned next to his door, a soft light emanated from his bedroom, and her favorite mug was out next to the sink.

"Spence? Spencer?" his voice bounced around, echoing without reply. A few steps forward and he discovered the sleeping beauty curled up atop his comforter, her mahogany locks fanned out across his pillow. Clad in a pair of black leggings and one of his old flannel button-downs, Spencer was the perfect combination of relaxed and alluring. A loving smirk spread unknowingly across his lips as a familiar warmth gathered in his chest. Coming home to her, awake or asleep, brought him inexplicable joy.

Deciding to shower first and then work out the details of dinner, Toby stepped into his bathroom and washed away the grime of his most recent construction gig. After toweling off and stepping into a pair of basketball shorts, he decided to order enough Chinese for the both of them in case Spencer hadn't eaten yet. Padding back into the kitchen, Toby picked up his forgotten phone to dial the number. Surprised at the number of missed calls and texts, he began to weed through his unanswered messages. The warmth he had felt just minutes before soured at the sight of several frantic text messages from his girlfriend. While the first two were simple questions of when he'd be off and if they were meeting up, he could see her panic rise as he had remained silent.

_Where are you? I know you said you might be there a little late, but you're usually are back by now._

_Hey did we get our signals crossed? I thought you wanted to hang out at some point._

_Please call me when you get the chance, ok? I hope everything is alright. _

_Toby are you ok? I'm just going to let myself in…_

Judging by the times of the texts and the missed calls, she must have realized that his phone wasn't with him once she came to the loft. Feeling guilty for causing her unnecessary anxiety, Toby rushed back into his room in time to hear her murmuring in her sleep. As he sank into the mattress next to her slight body, she let out a low whine, followed by his name and something muffled.

"Spencer, wake up. I'm here, ok?" he gently shook her shoulder, hating himself for causing this whole scene. "Come on honey, wake up."

Groaning and blinking in response to the light invading her dark pupils, Spencer sat up slowly. Unable to properly take in those large coffee-colored eyes of hers, Toby softly pushed the hair away from her forehead and greeted her with a kiss to the temple.

Apparently she was more awake than he had anticipated.

Shoving him away, Spencer's temper flared as she snarled, "Where the heck have you been?"

_**more to come, click review!**_


	2. Chapter 2

_Your head is running wild again_

Shoving him away, Spencer's temper flared as she snarled, "Where the heck have you been?" Her eyes blazed with anger, but Toby was quick to note that her chin was trembling and her fingers were nervously toying with a loose thread at the hem of the worn shirt. Fear lurked beneath the Hastings fury.

"Sweetheart, I—"

"Toby, I'm serious! When you said you'd be late, I was figuring 5:30, maybe 6. It gets dark by then, and when I know you're working outside, I stupidly assume you'll be back before 8 o'clock at night!"

"I would have called, but my phone was here and—"

In another flash of fire, she cut him off again. "I know your phone is here! How am I…how can I know you aren't…" suddenly the fight went of her so swiftly that her entire body seemed to fold into itself. Her eyes drooped, unwilling to maintain contact with his patient gaze.

Steeling himself against the possibility of another a violent rejection, Toby hesitantly reached for her hands with both of his. "I'm really, really sorry, Spencer. I didn't mean to leave my phone here, and I didn't expect to take this long. I shouldn't have been so careless."

Spencer felt the tender quality of his words, fully knowing that he meant them. She could never stay mad at him for long, he made it impossible. Still reluctant to meet his eyes, she kept her head bent low as she nearly whispered, "I'm sorry I overreacted. Was everything okay at work?"

"Yeah," he crooned softly, matching her tone, "It was fine. We had to finish the exterior tonight, which took longer than expected. By the time we were finished, a lot of the guys cut out really fast. Then the homeowner decided he wanted all the supplies moved inside in case it stormed tonight. With only a few of us left, we had a pretty late quitting time."

She nodded slowly without shifting from her current position of avoidance. Deciding to push her a little further, Toby disentangled one of his hands from hers and brushed his thumb along her jawline. "You wanna tell me what's going on, Spence?" he asked as he tilted her head upward.

Her mocha irises danced around the room, landing anywhere but the sea of crystal blue in front of her. "You know I love and trust you, right? I know that we've both caused a fair share of damage and pain here, but that's always been a result of scare tactics and misplaced protective instinct." Her voice got higher and faster as she went on, her brows knitting together as she struggled to remain composed. "I just don't want you to feel like I'm trying to keep you on a short leash or—"

"Spencer—" Toby attempted to break in, yet she plunged ahead.

"No, please, I need you to understand. If you have to work late, then you have to work late. And if you leave your phone at home, then you can't really do much about that either…I never want to treat you like you're my property, like you report to me…like…"

"Like what, Spencer?" He asked quietly.

Her eyes finally sought his, and he was instantly taken aback by the deep wells of sadness he saw there. "I never want to treat you the way Jenna did." With her somber admission, those brown doe eyes filled with glossy unshed tears.

This time it was his eyes that broke contact, refusing her a glimpse of the anguish that passed through him. Spencer began to pull away, afraid that she had said too much, but Toby strengthened his hold.

Clearing his throat and his head, he raised his eyes back up to meet hers. "You will **never** be anything like Jenna. Please believe me when I tell you that there is absolutely no comparison. We love each other, Spencer, and that was never part of the equation with her."

She nodded solemnly at his firm words, choosing to move past a topic she'd rather forget. "I just get scared. Not that I need to know where you are 24/7, but my brain goes into overdrive when I can't get ahold of you, believing the worst. We have a lot of enemies between the two of us, and…"

He squeezed her hand, giving her the confidence to go on as his other hand moved to rub small, soothing circles on her back.

Once again, Spencer's voice reached a higher pitch than normal, betraying her unruly emotions. "I'm afraid that I'll lose you for real next time. That it will really be your body in the woods and it won't be a setup. I—I couldn't do it, not again, not after…" she trailed off with a strangled sniffle, tears slipping down effortlessly like rain on a windowsill.

It was moments like this where Toby wished there were two of him. While one version would pull Spencer into his arms and comfort her for as long as necessary, his clone would scour the streets of Rosewood until he found Mona so he could knock her into next week for all that she had done. He settled for the first of the two actions, wrapping Spencer in a tight embrace and as he leaned the both of them against his headboard.

"Listen to me," he began with an achingly sweet cadence in his voice, "You won't ever have to do it again because no one is going to take me away from you. I'm not going anywhere, I promise you." He spoke with conviction against the top of her head, breathing in the scent of her pomegranate shampoo. "I'm so sorry that I ever let that happen to you, to us. I hate it, God, I hate it."

Toby's loving affirmation wove itself deep into her most broken parts, yet Spencer heard the exasperation and the suffering that he too was harboring. He had apologized enough and she was tired of punishing him, not just tonight but for an entire month. She straightened, lifting her head from its spot against his bare shoulder and captured his lower lip between both of hers. He eagerly kissed her back, pouring out his passion and frustration as the exchange deepened. A tangle of mouths and limbs lasted for several prolonged moments. Spencer's back arched in pleasure as Toby's calloused hands traced the length of her spine from underneath the plaid material.

As the two gradually pulled apart, Toby arched a brow at the sudden shift in mood. Understanding his silent question, Spencer timidly replied, "I've missed you so much. And when everything is spinning out of control, when I want to be so angry with where we are and who we've become, and the paranoia is eating me alive? I have to remind myself of how much worse it was not so long ago. If I can kiss you like that, that means I'm not missing you anymore, and I still have you."

Her words brought a rare smile to his features; a light reached his blue eyes that had often been absent over the last few weeks, laugh lines appearing in places they had gone unemployed. "Who would have ever guessed the two of us would make it through all of this, huh?" he asked with a grin.

She returned the look with a teasing glint in the depths of her coffee irises. "All of Rosewood can try and try, but we'll survive all the radioactive warfare they throw our way. We're like cockroaches."

Toby leaned closer, pressing soft lips first to the tip of her nose, then dipping lower to graze her mouth lightly. "You're the prettiest cockroach I've ever met."

Meeting his touch, Spencer indulged in another kiss. Sliding her hands along the planes of his chest which had remained unclothed since his long-forgotten shower, she—

Was interrupted by the loud growl of his stomach.

Unable to contain her giggles, she tossed her head back in delight. "Sorry that my waterworks distracted you from dinner, my love."

Toby ducked his head in feigned embarrassment, chuckling at his appetite's poor timing. He snuck a kiss to her collarbone as she attempted to regain her composure. "I'll forgive you if," _kiss_ "you call in our usual," _kiss_ "while I put on some weather-appropriate clothes."

His attention to that particularly sensitive strip of skin effectively ended her laughter and reignited her earlier focus. Pulling his lips back up to hers, Spencer initiated one last scorching kiss, leaving them both breathless.

"Alright, you are now free to put a shirt on. But I'm coming with you to pick up the food! Unless my unhinged behavior has been unclear up to this point, I'm obviously a victim of separation anxiety."

Although passed off as a joke, Toby couldn't help but worry over her last statement as she scampered off to make the call. Turning toward his dresser, a plan began to form. He knew exactly what they needed, and it was something this town didn't offer…

_**a/n: Thanks for all the reviews on chapter 1! I'm trying to stay on top of this story, so the more I hear from you guys the more I will feel motivated! I hope that you like it so far...the next chapter is definitely heavy on the fluff, so stay tuned.**_


	3. Chapter 3

**_a/n: This chapter is on the lighter side, but trust me, there is more angst to come! Let me know what you think! I had a lot of fun writing this one, so hopefully you enjoy it too._**

_Oh, tear ducts and rust  
I'll fix it for us_

"Are you sure about this plan, Toby?"

He snickered at the hint of alarm in her raspy voice. She wasn't used to being on the outside of a good covert mission, which brought an added charm to the occasion.

"Yes, absolutely sure. Come on, Spence, get in touch with that very small sliver of spontaneity buried way deep down inside of you."

His comment struck exactly where expected. In a gasp of self-denial, her almond eyes widened at the accusation. "Hey, I can be spontaneous, Cavanaugh!"

"Perfect." Toby's grin mirrored the Cheshire cat. "Then hop on."

With that he turned his back on her and sauntered towards his motorcycle, waving an arm in a loose gesture that suggested she follow. C_urse you, Toby freaking Cavanaugh_. Spencer's stomach flipped and knotted at the very sight of his bike. Her mother would have a heart attack if she knew. Another thought struck her as she considered her options.

"But you told me to pack a bag for the weekend and I gave it to you last night…so where is it? I hardly think this death trap has a trunk."

Another chuckle escaped Toby, who was clearly enjoying her discomfort. "We won't be riding the bike the whole way to our mystery location, okay? I stored my truck, along with your stuff, somewhere safe and we'll switch vehicles there."

He watched her process this information, her teeth going to work on her lower lip as she filtered through it. "Spen-cer," he spoke in a singsong, stepping closer to her and tugging on her folded arms until they relaxed. "Trust me, sweetheart. This is the best way. I can be sure we don't get tailed out of here if we take my bike through the city traffic. Once we're in the clear, I promise to make the switch ASAP. And then you can revel in a roof, floorboards, and seatbelt the rest of the way."

"So we're going through Philly?" she asked with a shrewd look.

"Always the curious scoundrel, aren't you?" he returned with a half-smirk.

Spencer laughed in response, knowing he was right. A brooding look quickly took over though as she caught another sight of the awaiting motorcycle. Noting the worry evident in the creasing between her eyebrows, Toby pulled her closer yet and trailed a line of heated kisses down her slender neck. Feeling her instantly melt at the sensation, he looped his strong arms around her middle. Spencer followed suit, sneaking her hands through the roots of his hair and refocusing his attention to her impatient lips. Confident in his ability to sway her, Toby deliberately engaged in several drawn-out exchanges, then pulled back to plant his mouth on the delicate skin behind her ear.

"I'll be careful," he murmured from the spot that he knew made her crazy. "I'll always keep you safe."

Moaning at his touch, Spencer could barely keep a single thought in place long enough to fight him. "Mm…you don't play fair."

She could feel him smile against her skin as he replied, "What's that they say about love and war?"

Shaking her head and removing herself from his embrace, mocha met sapphire as Spencer muttered, "You better have a second helmet is all that I have to say."

"Of course I do, Spencer. I'm the definition of prepared."

"Okay, now I know you are mocking me!" She tried to suppress the laughter from her tone, but she knew it was a worthless endeavor. As his fingers wove through hers, she allowed her irresistible boyfriend to lead her toward the gleaming motorcycle.

"Here," Toby brushed back the loose strands of hair escaping her braid, then carefully strapped his spare helmet securely underneath her dimpled chin. "You look good."

"Uh huh, sure, smooth talker. So do I at least get a briefing on how this works?" she twirled her index finger nervously in the direction of their getaway vehicle.

Still amused at her uneasiness, he answered with as much of a straight face as he could manage. "Well, I'll do the work. You just stay as relaxed as you can and lean into the turns. Try not to be stiff."

As if that was even an option. Spencer watched as Toby yanked the zipper of his leather jacket as high as it would go, then place his own helmet over his head. _He's the one who looks good_ she thought, her eyes glued to his well-defined silhouette. As if sensing the attention he was receiving, Toby suddenly faced her, then swept her frame upwards and deposited her onto the bike with ease.

Flushing scarlet with a different type of fluttering in her stomach, Spencer prayed he wouldn't notice the way his actions affected her or she'd never hear the end of it. He joined her, effortlessly straddling the bike and starting it up with a rumble. Turning back for one last look at her breathtaking beauty, Toby called out over the noise, "I almost forgot to tell you—you can hold on to me as tight as you want, okay? It's going to really jolt forward at first, so just get a good hold now!"

He threw her a playful wink before flipping his visor down, sure evidence that he was quite aware of his victory over her.

For once Spencer was speechless. And here she thought she was the clever one. Although her aggravation at being swindled was short lived as she wound her arms around his toned abdominals; even through the thick material of his jacket, she could feel the strength that she knew from memory. _This could certainly be worse…_

The cycle abruptly leapt forward, jarring her out of her reverie. Fastening her grip even tighter around Toby, Spencer began to count backwards in French with her eyes squeezed shut. As their speed escalated, she tucked her head snugly against his leather-clad back. The familiar scent that would forever represent _him_ helped her to unwind just a little.

"You doing okay, Spence?" he shouted back to her when they reached a red light minutes later.

She simply bobbed her head against his back, and then they were off again. Bit by bit, Spencer found her fears dissolve as they sped through the darkness, even enjoying the blur of streetlights and thrilling whip of the wind. They somehow felt untouchable, weaving in and out of traffic, unstoppable.

Now if only she could figure out where Toby was taking her…

_**Any guesses? More on the way, so click review!**_


	4. Chapter 4

**_a/n: ok so this is short, but there is more on the way! Any guesses as to where they're headed?_**

_And I, your willing victim_

By the time the pair reached the remote parking garage on the other side of Philadelphia, Toby could feel the difference in Spencer's comfort level without having to ask. She had molded against his body like a second skin, moving with the bike as if an expert. He had of course given her a hard time for the death grip she kept on his ribs for the majority of the trip, but she took it all in stride as they switched to his truck.

Peering at her currently sleeping form, he couldn't help but feel optimistic about his plan of escape. Spencer had fallen into a restless sleep almost an hour ago, slumping so far forward that he was afraid she'd collide with the dash, only to jerk herself awake unexpectedly and sit back once again. After watching this cycle on repeat from across the truck, Toby—with a mix of amusement and concern—eventually chose to intervene with a soft, "C'mere," and jerk of his head. Submitting without a word of resistance, Spencer slid over and found solace in the stability of his shoulder, falling soundly asleep in seconds. When they were together like this with the radio playing quietly and her even breath against his skin, he could almost pretend that they were a normal couple. Imagine the luxury of carefree living, a world where they went to the movies every weekend and only argued about who would pay for the overpriced popcorn.

But providence never let him fanaticize for long. The ominous chirping of her cell broke the peace, causing Spencer to wake and pull away long enough to retrieve it. She immediately tensed, alerting him to what could only be bad news.

"What is it, Spencer?"

"Uh, nothing," she replied, stuffing it back into her bag faster than he could blink.

Toby swallowed against his irritation. He hated this game.

She sat rigidly against the seat, making no move to explain herself.

"Well if it was nothing, then come back over here." He had miraculously succeeded in keeping his voice neutral, leaving her no choice but to slide back across the bench seat and resume her former position. A few seconds passed before he felt her calm down again, nestling her head in the crook of his neck.

Stealing a subtle glance down as he paused at a stop sign, Toby felt his heart twist at the sight of a solitary tear tracing its way down Spencer's cheek. _When will we be done with this?_

Choosing to let her off the hook for now, Toby pressed the gas petal with a shot of new energy. For every mile he put between them and Rosewood, the better he felt.


	5. Chapter 5

_You're holding it in, You're pouring a drink_

Feeling groggy and less than sociable, all Spencer knew was that she was warm, comfy, and still in a blissful state of oblivion. Yet someone seemed bent on ruining all of that…

"Come one, Spencer, I think you'll want to see this…"

Oh right, she was with Toby. She was with Toby and she was about to be surprised. That thought made the idea of moving much more appealing. Peeling herself from the very homey spot her cheek had found against her boyfriend's chest, Spencer rubbed the sleep from her eyes to take in their dim surroundings.

"Hmm. It's a house…"

God, he loved the sound of her voice when she first woke up, rougher than usual and just plain sexy. "It is a house. But not just any house. Follow me?"

He stepped out of the truck and extended a hand to help her down. Taking it with a quizzical look, she allowed Toby to guide her up the sidewalk of the gray cottage when her senses kicked in with the obvious answer. The distant roar, the thick air, that distinctive fragrance…

Spencer froze in place and squeezed his hand, forcing him to turn around and face her. Her wide smile was contagious as she asked, "Toby? Are we at the beach?"

"Yeah," he responded with laughter, "if that is okay with you."

"Okay with me?" She countered, clearly astonished. "Of course it's okay with me! How did you do this? Who lives here?"

Her palpable enthusiasm relieved his last-minute doubts. "Well it belonged to my Mom's aunt, but she moved across the country a few years back. A relator rents it out during the summer months, but in the offseason it just sits empty. I know it isn't exactly beach weather yet, but—"

"—but nothing! I love it!" Her coffee-colored eyes grew serious as she examined him with more care. "I love you, Toby. You are so unbelievably amazing."

Cupping her face with his capable hands, Toby leaned forward and kissed her affectionately. "You deserve it, Spence. And I love you too. Now how bout I get our bags out of the truck and then I'll give you the grand tour?"

"Sure," She beamed, watching with contentment as he doubled back to retrieve their things. Her smile dimmed, though, when she remembered that her cell phone was one of those things. Telling lies has become routine for Spencer, but she knew that her most recent one had been pretty pathetic, even to her own ears. With Toby's A-team track record, he had surely caught on to her dishonest answer. _I'm so freaking tired of being a hamster on this endless wheel._

With no other plausible choice, Spencer bounded down the walk after him. "Here, let me help!"

"I think I've got it," he tossed back to her with a smirk, already unloading the backseat.

"Hey, you've heard what I've said about being a post-modern feminist, right? When have I ever given you the impression that I'm afraid of breaking a nail?" Her act seemed to be working. He handed her a bag of groceries with a well-earned eye roll. Sucking in a breath of hesitation, Spencer discreetly reached for her duffel as Toby turned away.

"Spencer, seriously, you don't have to carry that. I don't mind."

"I know, but I don't mind either." She returned hurriedly.

He went stock still, his azure eyes boring holes into her. The silence stretched on to the moon and back. Toby spoke deliberately, as if it wounded him. "This is about your phone, isn't it?"

Fidgeting violently, Spencer kept her eyes to the ground as she mumbled a pitiful, "No."

Resentment edged its way into his words. "Wow, you used to at least be a convincing liar. Those skills of yours are really deteriorating."

Rage coursed through her veins, his words stirring her temper instantaneously. "Sorry that I'm not as good as the master. I'll work on it."

His defensive stance fell, guilt stabbing at his insides. He scuffed the toe of his shoe into the gravel then muttered in defeat, "Take whatever you want to take. I'll get the rest."

"Toby…"

"Just go, Spencer."

She felt lower than low. Why did she always let this happen? Trudging back up to the house with the repulsive duffel bag in hand, Spencer stopped short when she realized the door was locked. She chose to awkwardly shuffle the other bags around in her arms as she waited, not daring to utter a word of complaint. Toby finally lumbered up the steps behind her, fumbled with a set of keys for a moment, then strode past her and unlocked the creaky door. Continuing without even a sidelong glance in Spencer's direction, he forged ahead into the darkness. She trailed him down the hall, deciding that she once again had no other options.

Apparently she had been sticking a little too close. Toby stopped abruptly and she bumped right into him, bouncing backward on impact with an, "Oomph."

"Sorry," she said faintly, embarrassed at her appalling lack of coordination and unfortunate timing.

He looked back at her with an unreadable expression in his eyes. Seeming to shrug it off, he simply dipped his head forward and stated evenly, "This is the kitchen."

Toby stepped further into the room and began to unload his armful of bags. As she mirrored his actions, he reached past her and flipped on the overhead light. Blinking as her eyes adjusted, Spencer desperately searched for something to say. They couldn't go on this way. If only she knew where to start…

Just as she was about to attempt a line of inadequate small talk, a clanking noise interrupted her effort. From the corner of her eye, she watched Toby place two glasses onto the countertop. He disappeared wordlessly through another door, returning shortly clutching what appeared to be an expensive bottle of red wine. Filling each of the glasses to the top, he met her eyes in a nonverbal invitation.

Spencer angled her head to the side, unsure of him and her and drinking and the whole muddled mess.

Toby offered her the smallest of smiles as if sensing her tentativeness. "I think we could both stand to mellow out a little. We're not exactly off to the best beginning here."

Lifting his glass in a melancholy toast, his blue eyes seemed to beg for a truce. Sensing that more was at stake than one undisclosed text message, Spencer's fingers sought the stem of her glass. In a ceaseless parade of choosing battles, this one seemed inconsequential. But the lines of combat got so blurred when the one she was fighting for was also the one she found herself fighting against.

The clinking of glasses sounded in a show of agreement, but the ring of all that remained unsaid thundered in the not so distant background.


	6. Chapter 6

_Oh, we had everything_

"So where are we exactly?"

Toby was shocked it had taken her this long to ask that particular question. "New Jersey. Ship Bottom, New Jersey."

"Ooh, fun. Sounds pirate-y." Spencer's almond eyes darted with animation as she swallowed another gulp of wine.

Her exaggerated expression almost made him spit out his sip. The resulting half-laugh, half-choking sound only served to further encourage her antics.

"So should I be calling you Captain Tobias the rest of the weekend? I'll be your first mate if you'd like." She stood up from her stool at the kitchen island and raised her hand to her forehead in mock salute.

He had been called much worse in his life. "Spencer, darling?" Toby ventured, "Are you feeling a little buzzed?"

Frowning in consideration, Spencer regarded the glass before her. Switching her attention back to her blue-eyed companion, she inquired, "I've only had two glasses, right?"

"That one is your third," he answered with certainty, "and you are making quick progress."

She hummed with disinterest. "We've never been on a trip together before, you know. I mean, sure, we find ourselves randomly checked into motels on a weirdly regular basis, but those were all within 15 minutes of Rosewood's city limits. So this is a milestone for us."

"Hey, I happened to enjoy our 'random' and 'weird' motel visits," Toby responded defensively.

"Oh, sweetheart, those definitely counted as milestones too," she returned with a devilish grin. Swaying her hips with each step, she made her way around the counter. He swiveled his own stool in her direction, curious as to what her exact mission was. Not stopping until she was front and center in his line of vision, Spencer rested her hands on Toby's shoulders. "Do you think I could ever forget our first kiss in that parking lot?"

He could practically taste her pink lips. She was leaning so close, speaking in that seductive husky tone of hers. "No. I'm sure a Hastings never forgets a loss of any kind."

"I'll never get you to shut up about that game of Scrabble, will I? But that's okay, because I think I won a whole lot more." Her breath was hot against his cheek, hissing with the temptation of more.

His hands acted on their own accord, finding themselves stationed on the gentle curves of her hips. As if he could ever stay mad at her. "I can agree to that. No regrets there."

"How about the second time?" Spencer tucked her lower lip into her teeth, gnawing anxiously. "Any regrets there?"

Toby's eyes narrowed, sure that he had misunderstood. "Spencer? You don't mean—there is no way I—"

She toyed with the collar of his shirt. "You're getting flustered."

Grabbing both of her hands and holding them tightly, he stood so she knew he was serious. "Of all the regrets I have, that night is not one of them." Toby paused as a thought passed through his mind for the first time since their reunion. "What about you? Do you regret it happening like that, so fast after our time apart?"

"No." Her voice seemed small, yet steady.

"I mean it, Spencer. Our first time was different. You thought you knew everything when we started having sex, but you didn't. I was still lying to you then. I know we got caught up in the moment a few weeks ago, but do you regret it now…in hindsight?"

He literally stopped breathing as he waited for her answer.

"Toby," she whispered, her big doe eyes capturing his with a meaningful gaze, "I needed that more than anything, to know that you were real and alive and whole…and still mine. I could never regret that. I know we haven't been together since then, but I think we still have a lot of ground to cover. And we'll get there."

He released his baited breath with a smile. Pressing a kiss to her temple, Toby folded Spencer into his arms and held her close. "Do you think we're going to be okay?" he questioned from above her head, his eyes fixed on some obscure spot on the ceiling.

She felt her eyes well up at his shaky tone. "Yes. We're not the same people we were before, practicing French vocab on your porch and playing board games on a stakeout. We won't get those exact versions of us back, but that's okay. We'll be okay."

Toby rocked them back and forth, contemplating her words. Tilting his lips closer to her ear, he mumbled, "You sure are wise for a buzzed woman."

She giggled at the mention of his previous allegation. Pulling back to see him fully, Spencer echoed her words from before. "I only had two glasses, Captain!"

"And those two glasses did us all some good. I say we head upstairs for the night. I didn't have the luxury of snoozing the whole way here, if you remember correctly."

His teasing warranted a sarcastic retort from the witty brunette, but Toby barely heard it as he slung his arm around Spencer's waist and led her toward the staircase. If the weekend continued in the same way it began, he was going to need his rest. This push-pull-push-pull rhythm they were dancing to was a tough one to master, but he was willing to do whatever it took.

Because as he had once told her, their time together was not a total bust. Not even close.


	7. Chapter 7

**_a/n: Hi friends! This story has a mind of its own, so I'll keep cranking it out! This chapter is a bit lengthy, so I hope that is ok with you. Also, just a little shout out to a wonderful reviewer: pll-addiction, you are awesome and I always smile when I see your name in my inbox!_**

**_Ok, so here we go! _**

_There's nothing more than empty sheets  
Between our love_

Wriggling deeper underneath her blankets only to flip sides and toss around some more, Spencer could not get comfortable. She was sleeping in a stolen long sleeved t-shirt from her boyfriend's wardrobe, but the upstairs of the cottage was drafty and her feet were freezing. The usual solution to such a problem was snuggling up to Toby, her own personal space heater. Now if only she could find him…

That was odd. Struggling to crack her bleary eyes against the weight of fatigue, Spencer peeked through the shadows only to find empty space on the other side of the mattress. Sitting up slightly on her elbows, she spotted Toby by the window with his head bent against the pane. She squinted at the glowing red digits of the alarm clock next to her. 2:06.

"Toby? What's wrong?" She called lightly.

She saw his back muscles twitch at the sound of her voice. He twisted noiselessly and lifted a shoulder into a half-hearted shrug. "Everything is fine. Go back to sleep, Spencer."

"But I sleep better with you next to me." The pouting of her lips earned her a ghost of a smile. Padding back to the bed, Toby stooped to drop a kiss to her brow. The pensive look in his eyes lingered.

"Tobyyy," she hummed softly, "Everything is not fine. What's keeping you up?" She interlocked her willowy fingers with his, tugging persistently until he sat next to her.

He rubbed his eyes with his free hand, then raked it through the unruly spikes atop his head. "It's nothing really…I just had a weird dream and couldn't get it out of my head."

"Was it a bad one?" Spencer probed as she absently traced his knuckles.

A dark look passed through his sapphire eyes as a mild grimace took shape on his mouth. "Yeah, it certainly didn't qualify as a good one."

She squeezed his hand. "Will you tell me about it?"

Toby closed his eyes and let out an extended sigh. "I can't remember all of it. I—I was at…" His eyes flickered back open and scanned her face apprehensively. "I was at Radley."

"It's alright, you're allowed to say it." She responded with sad smile.

He swallowed dryly, dreading what he had to say next. "I was standing outside the gate with Mona. We used to meet there when she would sneak in and out before she was released." Toby's speech sounded rushed and he fought to control it. "But it was different this time. She was talking about you."

Spencer nodded, urging him on.

"I don't remember the specifics. I just know I was furious. The suddenly I was standing in this blank hallway. I was alone. Something was pulling me forward, but I felt frozen. And then I was looking through this barred window, and…and you were there, sitting in the middle of the room, but you wouldn't look at me. And I was powerless. I couldn't move, couldn't even lift my hands. I just screamed your name over and over again, but it was like you couldn't hear a sound."

He stopped, getting ahold of his escalating emotions. After a few fortifying breaths, Toby forced himself to finish. "Then I was somewhere else, I don't know where. I was looking in a mirror. I had it all on, the black hoodie, the leather gloves. And I lost it. I started smashing the mirror, pounding it as hard as I could, but I didn't feel a thing. Then I woke up."

In his reverie, he had almost forgotten where he was. Spencer's thumbs stroked across his cheekbones where tears had begun to fall. He hadn't even known he was crying. Toby locked his hands around her wrists, not wanting to lose contact. She didn't say a thing, but simply bridged the gap between them and kissed him gently.

"Can you tell me about it? About Radley?" He requested, his whole face puckering with the question. "I've wanted to know about it since Mona told me you were there, but…I've always been afraid of the answers."

This time the elongated sigh came from Spencer. She recognized the desperation in his countenance, an appearance she had worn often in the weeks spent reeling after his betrayal. "What do you want to know?"

Toby released her from his grasp, searching her hazelnut eyes. "Did they…hurt you?"

"No." She shook her head briskly. Spencer maintained eye contact, wanting to be sure that he knew she was telling the truth. "They didn't do anything shady or unethical if that's what you mean."

Relief coursed through his veins. "Did you have to take anything—well something you didn't actually need?"

That one made her squirm a little. Breaking their gaze, Spencer stared at the comforter in shame. "I did take medicine, but I needed it. At least I did at first."

Exhaling sharply, Toby winced at the implication of her words. "What does that mean exactly?"

"The night that I found—the night Mona staged your death…I can only recall parts of it. A lot of it is a blank. But what I do remember is coming completely unhinged." Spencer's voice cracked. Steeling herself against the harsh sting of her memories, she went on in a fragmented manner. "I still hadn't properly dealt with the immense sense of loss after our…encounter in my kitchen that night. I was already an absolute train wreck. I'm surprised no one had me committed then."

If that were her attempt at a joke, he wasn't amused. Sick was more like it.

Swiping irritably at a tear, Spencer continued weakly. "So after weeks of barely eating, sleeping even less, and blowing everything and everyone in my life to pieces…that was it. I just shattered. Up until that point, I thought I knew what losing you felt like, but I was so wrong. Seeing that body in the woods, the leather jacket and bike helmet, the tattoo…I now knew what it felt like to have what I treasured most…entirely ripped away with a startling permanency."

Toby felt the pressure of hot tears rushing to the surface. He reached for her hand and felt marginally better when she quickly accepted it.

"When they first admitted me to Radley, I genuinely needed to be there. They gave me sedatives that helped me sleep. Plus, I couldn't go on the way I had been. I love my friends, but I didn't know how to let them in and I was drowning. Being in there, as cracked as it sounds, helped me refocus." Spencer let out a deep breath and finally lifted her eyes, knowing the worst of it was out.

He tried his best to filter through all of this information rationally. She was being so strong and he didn't want to be the one to fall apart. "Was that all they gave you? Sleeping pills?"

"Yeah, those and antibiotics."

"What? Why did you need antibiotics?" His voice jumped an octave higher as he clasped her hand tighter.

"Like I said, I can't really remember it all," Spencer said faintly, her brow scrunching in thought. "Mona yelled something from wherever she was lurking, which in hindsight I realize was her way of getting me away from the body before I could figure out that it wasn't actually you. I tore after her, and I swear if I had caught up, she would be six feet under right now…"

"Spencer!" Toby was taken aback, but he felt a little proud too.

"I mean it!" She declared, her eyes blazing. "Anyway, I lost her eventually and I got disoriented after that. From what they told me later, the distance from my car to where the park rangers picked me up was pretty substantial. I must have wondered pretty far, and I picked up some scratches along the way. My chin was the worst…"

"Your chin?!" His eyes filled with grief. Reaching for her jaw with his unoccupied hand, his thumb caressed the spot automatically.

"My chin. I can vaguely remember stumbling a few times and I must have really fallen hard at one point. It was scraped up pretty bad. They made me wear a bandage on it for a few days."

Spencer felt a sincere smile tug on her lips as Toby tenderly laid several sweet kisses across her chin. He raised his mouth just centimeters higher and found her mouth with his own. As they parted, he whispered, "Still looks perfect to me."

And with that, she wanted him that much more. Engaging him in a deeper kiss, Spencer thirsted for an emotional release after drudging up that kind of turmoil. Toby broke the kiss prematurely, panting a little, but determined to finish the conversation without any loose ends. "You said you needed the medicine at first. What does that mean?"

"I decided I wasn't going down without a fight," she replied, impressed byhis unyielding pursuit for the full story. "The sedatives were miracle workers and Lord knows I needed them. I looked and felt like a degenerate extra in a zombie apocalypse movie."

"That could never be true," he interrupted ardently.

"Just ask Hanna. I know she was plotting to tackle me to the ground and attack me with concealer!" She chuckled at her own joke before turning solemn again. "Even though the pills helped me sleep through the night, they put me in a fog. Maybe the dosage was too strong. Either way, I was never fully alert and that started to scare me more than the nightmares. So I quit taking them. I would pretend to swallow them, wait for the orderly to leave, then stash them in my pillowcase."

"You faked them out?" Toby asked incredulously. "Gosh my girlfriend is the coolest."

"Stop it," Spencer laughed as she shoved him away playfully.

"I'm serious. You are so sly! They had no idea who they were dealing with!" He framed her face with his hands, drinking in her beauty. "I'm so incredibly lucky to have you, Spencer Hastings."

She ducked her head shyly at his praise. "I think I'm—" Spencer paused as a yawn broke her sentence, "—the lucky one."

Toby smirked. "Really? Because I think you need to go back to sleep." He ran his fingers lovingly through her chestnut hair, then stood so she could lie down again.

"Not without you," she retorted stubbornly.

He gently pushed back on her upper arms until her head met the pillow. Tucking the blankets around her slight body, he questioned, "Why is that, honey? You'll miss me too much?"

"Nope." Spencer refused to encourage his ego on this one. "My feet are cold and I need you to warm them up."

"Ah, so the truth comes out! You're just using me for heat!" Toby strode around to his side of the bed, acting wounded at her response. Climbing in next to her, he cuddled as close as possible, intertwining their limbs and holding her snugly against his chest. "Better?"

Burrowing her head securely into the hollow of his shoulder, Spencer grinned lazily. "Much, much better." She felt the lull of sleep enticing her, fading away into a dreamland where no one could hurt her, not even A.

Too bad that was only in dreamland.


	8. Chapter 8

**_a/n: this one is more on the fluffy side, but trust me...the angst is on its way. Love you guys! Enjoy!_**

_We're collecting dust,  
But our love's enough._

Sunlight streamed through the windows of the upstairs bedroom, nearly blinding the sole occupant of the room's queen bed. Stretching his muscular arms in an arc above his head, Toby wondered where his self-titled first mate had gotten to. He had slept later than intended, but that was no surprise with way his head had been spinning last night. Spencer had drifted off shortly after their middle-of-the-night conversation, slumbering soundly as evidenced by the serene rise and fall of her chest. Toby, on the other hand, was wide awake with an endless barrage of horrific scenarios playing on a loop—Spencer shivering alone in the woods, tripping over rocks and tree roots; The way she must have looked to the rangers who found her after being out there all night long; Spencer nursing a bandaged chin, suffering from nightmares and taking medication. It was enough to make him nauseous.

Spencer had shifted and slurred a few incoherent words, then unconsciously nudged her body even closer to his. She seemed to instinctively sense his despair even in her sleep. Toby had then tightened his hold on the one who held his heart, thanking God that he still could call her his own.

He did not deserve an ounce of her forgiveness, which was why he wanted her to have as much time and space as she needed. Someone still had her spooked, but Toby understood the crushing weight of secrets and lies better than anyone. He'd get it out of her eventually. They were making progress and that was all he needed for now…

Said progress would not continue, however, if he didn't find his precious partner in crime. Toby meandered through both floors of the cottage, but still no Spencer. After ducking his head into the pantry, he turned back into the kitchen, scratching his head in curiosity. It was then that he caught a glimpse of something in motion from beyond the glass French doors.

Grinning at her obvious choice, Toby slid the doors open and stepped onto the wooden deck that boasted a glorious view of the glimmering Atlantic. And there, sprawling across a multicolored hammock in the corner of the patio, was the objection of his affection with her attention trained on something in her hands. _Now talk about a fantastic view…_

Spencer's head perked up as he ambled toward her, a heart-stopping smile donning her face. "Hi, handsome."

"Good morning, sweetheart." he replied warmly, kneeling next to her and meeting her lips in an earnest kiss. Pulling back to see her fully, Toby's hands imbedded themselves in her glossy dark locks. "Have you been up for a while?"

"Not too long. I took a quick shower and then came down for some coffee. When I saw the setup out here, I just couldn't resist. I hope that's alright."

"Of course, Spence, I want you to feel at home." Applying pressure to the back of her head, Toby sought her lips again, feeling that familiar magnetic draw. As the fire between them increased, he leaned further in and felt her fingers massage his exposed back when—

A muffled, yet shrill, screech rang out as their foreheads unexpectedly collided with a sharp smack and Spencer's weight tipped forward into him. Toby's eyes popped open in time to see the panic written on her face. He reflexively bent backwards and shuffled his hands around to her front in an effort to stop her from rolling right out of the hammock.

Once he was positive that her balance had been properly restored, Toby exploded with laughter. "I'm sorry, Spencer…I—your face was—hilarious!" His whole body shook.

Her hand slapped teasingly at his bicep as she struggled to keep from joining him. "Toby! That is not funny! That was almost really bad!"

"What, babe? You just couldn't get close enough, could you?" Again he collapsed into a laughing fit, her frightened facial expression flashing through his mind again.

"Oh you are so full of it! You were the one who couldn't resist!"

He snickered in response as he finally caught his breath. "I can't argue with that," he murmured, closing the short distance between them with an open mouthed kiss below her jaw.

"Uh huhhh…just like that." Spencer's eyes involuntarily slipped shut as Toby repeated the action several times. "See, your fault," she said feebly.

"Maybe you just have balance issues. Not so graceful, perhaps?"

"Oh I'd like to see you try," She challenged.

_She makes this so easy. _Toby rose to his feet and threw one leg precariously into the hammock while placing a steadying hand onto the banister behind it.

"I did NOT mean right now!" Spencer shrieked, panic once again evident in her expression.

"Why not?" His smug smile did nothing to alleviate her anxiety.

"TOBY CAVANAUGH, DO NOT—" he hoisted himself right into her space, causing the hammock to swing violently. "Tobyyyy, if you flip it, I—I'll…" Spencer's knuckles were white with the intensity of her grip on its edges, her eyes fastened shut.

"Open your eyes, Spence. Are you on the ground?"

She puffed out a big breath as she found his azure eyes just millimeters from hers. "You are crazy."

"And you love it." Toby brushed his nose against hers in anticipation of another kiss. Spencer waited until he closed his eyes to deliver a vengeful pinch to his side.

"Ow! That was not nice!" He exclaimed, his eyes darting back at her.

She stuck her tongue out at him, earning a snide remark as to how he could think of a better use for that. Ignoring him, Spencer sat up enough to search for her forgotten notecards. Plucking the stack from where they had astonishingly remained safe somewhere beneath her knees, she laid back and went to work on reorganizing them.

Toby groaned from his position beside her, pushing his arm beneath her head so she could rest on it. "Please tell me you did not bring flashcards with you."

She turned towards him with a mocking scowl. "Hey, mister. You were sleeping and I had some free time. In case you hadn't heard, my schoolwork has been a tad neglected of late."

His frown was genuine. "Spencer…have your grades suffered at all? Because of—"

Interrupting him with her index finger across his lips, Spencer cut in. "I was being dramatic. You know me, one B and I fly off the handle. I'm fine. I got extensions on a lot of assignments from earlier in the semester and I've already caught up. I was only kidding."

Toby captured her hand in both of his. "Finals are coming up though. If you want to go home early to study, I understand."

"Never." She planted a few kisses on his stubbly cheek, then moved to skim across his lips lightly. "This is what I want. To be with you, Toby."

He drew her closer, trapping her in a series of unhurried kisses. Spencer sketched the outline of his abdominals with her nails and was rewarded by the harsh quickening of his breath. Toby reciprocated by running his hands underneath the hem of her shirt and skating his thumbs higher and higher against her silky skin. The loud moan that formed in Spencer's throat encouraged his movements. The clashing of their tongues intensified, but a microscopic voice in Toby's head commanded—_slow down._

He despised that voice. Putting the brakes on bit by bit, Toby removed his hands from their current spot and smoothed Spencer's shirt back down. His kisses became more tender until he gradually backed away.

Peering at the woman next to him, Toby wished he could have snapped a photo. Spencer's large brown eyes were unfocused, as if in a daze. Her pink lips were swollen and her chestnut waves were perfectly fanned out beneath her head.

"What is it, Toby?" Her voice came out low and raspy, exactly how he liked it.

"Nothing, love." He kissed her forehead, already missing the touch of her velvet lips. "Are you hungry for some brunch?"

"Starved." The glint in her mocha eyes let him in on her intended double meaning.

Chuckling at her flirtatious answer, Toby gave in to one last heated kiss. Just as he was about to shimmy out of the hammock, Spencer stopped him with a hand on his forearm. Her grave appearance halted him in place.

"I want to say I'm sorry, Toby. I know I brought the mood down last night. It was so sweet for you to bring me here and I hate that I ruined the whole thing by being so cryptic."

"Spencer, you don't ne—"

"Toby, I mean it." She stated resolutely, talking over him. "My secrets have driven a wedge between us too many times before and I won't let that happen again. I…I promise that I'll tell you everything, I just…I…"

His hands cupped her face, bringing her swimming eyes back to his. "You can tell me whenever you're ready. I trust you, Spencer. Take your time and I will be right here." He paused, leaving a kiss in her hair. "Now how about some brunch?"

Toby slipped out of the hammock with poise and retreated into the house, but not before throwing her a reassuring smile over his shoulder. Spencer felt her insides melt. For what must have been the millionth time in just the last month, she marveled at how she had ever managed to keep him. With a salty breeze stirring her thoughts, Spencer returned to her flashcards and shut out the possibility that her latest revelation would be the one that finally sent Toby running in the opposite direction.


	9. Chapter 9

**_a/n: Welcome to Chapter 9, the true confessions of Toby Cavanaugh. This one is my longest, so go get a snack and make yourself comfortable, ok? Hope you like my version of the truth!_**

_It's still written in the scars on our hearts_

"Are you sure you're warm enough?" Toby asked as the pair descended the wooden stairs leading toward the dunes.

"For the third time, the answer is yes!" Spencer nudged him with her shoulder as she tried to catch his eyes. He seemed jittery and distant. Somewhere between clearing the dishes and suggesting this walk, Toby had clammed up. All she knew was she had come downstairs in a pair of rolled up jeans and an oversized crew neck sweater to find a version of her boyfriend that she didn't recognize. He barely looked at her as she spoke and had not initiated a smidgen of physical contact since they had exited the house. This walk had been Toby's idea, so why was he acting like he was being dragged against his will?

As they reached the shoreline, Spencer dipped her toes into the frothing tide. As expected, the water was freezing, but that was nothing in comparison to the subzero chill she was being subjected to from the man beside her. She stole a sidelong glance in his direction. Toby's gloomy blue eyes were fixed on the horizon, a gust of wind stirring his tousled hair. Without thinking twice, Spencer slipped her arm through the crook of his elbow and propped her head against his shoulder. If he was upset, she wanted to show him the same patient support that he was always offering her.

He responded without hesitation, kissing the crown of Spencer's head. Reading that as proof that he was not mad at her, Spencer voiced her concern. "You're scaring me, Toby. We were fine just a few minutes ago, but you're somewhere else now. What is it? Did I do something?"

"No, it isn't you. I really—I've been putting this conversation off for too long, but I need to quit stalling." He broke their stance, instead reaching for her hand and interlocking their fingers in a secure hold. "Come on, let's walk while we talk."

Toby led her several steps along the coastline, gentle waves lapping up their footsteps as they advanced. He let several moments pass wordlessly, the sounds of the ocean filling the void. Spencer bit the inside of her cheek, realizing that he was much better at this patience thing than she would ever be.

He finally angled his head towards her, sighing heavily. "Since the night we met at the diner—scratch that, since the night you found me rooting through your kitchen—I've always known that I owed you a lot more than a few pathetic lines about trying to protect you. And while all of that was true, it doesn't even begin to cover the whole story. This is one of the reasons I wanted to bring you here, to get us out of Rosewood for a weekend. Some of the things that you need to know, they aren't things I want to talk about with the chance of our phones going off or your parents walking in…"

Toby trailed off, unsure of how to begin. He checked Spencer's face, unsure of how his words had impacted her so far. She cast an appreciative look back at him. "You don't have to do this, Toby."

"Yes, I do." He nodded vigorously, refusing to be let off the hook. "I'm grateful for the gesture, but I know that you inner Nancy Drew has been dying for more details. So be honest. What do you want to know?"

His reference earned a dry chuckle. "You know me too well." Spencer reflected for a couple of seconds, her mind whirling through the jumbled last two years of her life since A had sent the first threatening text. "I guess…I guess I want you to start from the beginning."

Toby mentally ciphered through the baggage associated with that very dark period. He squeezed Spencer's hand involuntarily, for once seeking strength instead of giving it. She squeezed right back, easing the constricting feeling in his chest.

"Picture me when we first started talking, the shy and somewhat hostile guy who slammed the door in your face. That person, the person I was before us, was the product of some very ugly things, which you know. I was never quite the same after I lost my mom. My dad was preoccupied, school was a warzone, and nothing mattered to me anymore. Then my dad randomly announced that he was engaged. I barely even knew he was dating. I had never felt more betrayed."

Ignoring the familiar dull ache that had once been a permanent resident, Toby continued. "My mom's death had devastated me, but my dad acted like she had never existed. Jenna came into my life when I was at the bottom of the bottom. I didn't fit in anywhere and I had no one. She preyed on that weakness, acting innocent and friendly at first. I now know that she had an agenda from the beginning…it's who she is. Anyway, I don't know the specifics, but she and Alison quickly clashed and I was a casualty in their conflict. You know enough about that without me having to explain."

Spencer blinked hard, shamed at her involvement in this part of the story.

"I don't pretend to justify it. I really don't. But it just kept getting worse and worse. Jenna abused me and held it over my head; Ali manipulated the situation, blackmailing me all the way to juvie. By the time I got out, the bitterness was tearing me in two. And in a long line of controlling and malicious monsters, Mona swooped in and took advantage of my anger. The way she talked about being a victim, the hatred she harbored toward Alison and the rest of you…I could relate. She chattered about revenge, about teaching this town a lesson. I bought it all—hook, line, and sinker."

He abruptly stopped in his tracks and spun to face Spencer, his eyes pleading with her. "I promise you that I realized I was in over my head from very early on. Spence, I—I completely underestimated what she was willing to do. I figured a few harmless pranks and menacing messages was all Mona ever planned on, but it was already too late. If she had even the slightest doubt regarding my loyalty, she would launch into a rant on all the dirt she had on me. I was right back where I started, being blackmailed all over again."

Toby's eyes dropped to examine their sandy feet, disgusted with the coward he had been. Spencer wanted to ease his pain, but her own insecurity left her paralyzed. She forced down the lump in her throat, asking, "What—what about me? About us? Was that something Mona planned?"

She had his attention now. "No, Spencer, she couldn't have ever seen that one coming." His free hand gingerly framed her cheek as he struggled for the right words. "When you showed up on my porch with a French book, you took me by complete surprise. Mona was stunned too, sure that you were playing some kind of game."

"Did…she encourage our relationship?" She felt her stomach knotting in dread.

"Not romantically, no. She wanted me to collect helpful information from you, but I was less than compliant. You and I had forged this inexplicable bond and I wasn't willing to compromise that before I could figure you out. You were—and still are—this fascinating jigsaw puzzle that I couldn't wrap my head around. And when we were together…and you treated me like an equal…I fell for you fast and hard. I fed Mona a bunch of bullcrap, telling her that you were only tutoring me to improve your college applications and that we never talked about anything personal."

Spencer couldn't stop the corners of her lips from turning upwards. "You lied for me? That early on?"

"What can I say? I was smitten." His sapphire eyes sparkled at the memory of their initial friendship.

"You weren't the only one," she countered demurely.

"Yes, I remember." Toby smiled sadly. "Unfortunately, for us, that small fact did not go unnoticed. Once Mona got a whiff of what was going on, she pounced like a tiger. I had to deny it, assuring her that it was all a sham to earn your trust. She was always skeptical from then on, frequently issuing warnings of the terrible consequences of lying to her."

He could see the wheels turning in Spencer's head. "So…I'm guessing the severed break line and tampered scaffolding was less about me and more about you?"

Toby nodded, reliving her fearful reaction to A's attacks. "When you broke up with me, I came so close to blowing it all wide open. Your unnerving speech that day in my truck, then the arrest, the drama with Wren, and Emily lying to me—I nearly spilled it all. Watching your internal battle was killing me…but Mona made it clear that if I didn't back off, she would only make it harder on you. So I disappeared, brokenhearted."

"I…" Spencer wavered, not sure if she should press him for more.

"You can ask me anything, honey. This is for you."

She broke eye contact with him and began to walk again, towing him along with her. "You don't have to go into specifics," she began painstakingly, "but can you tell me what your role on the A team was? Or if you don't want to, I—"

"Spencer, for you? Anything." Toby stroked the smooth skin on the back of her hand with his thumb. "I never had any part in the scheming. I was never important enough for that. Mona rarely confided in me, and even when she did, it was because she thought she was losing control. All the jobs that required heavy lifting, involved dirt, or qualified as grunt work were mine. I never sent a text and I never had contact with anyone other than Mona. I was a pawn, nothing more. Which was still bad enough to make me despise myself every minute of every day."

"And…you said you lied on my behalf and withheld things from her…is there anything else you did?"

"What do you mean? To help you?" He slowed their pace, worried at how she would react to what he still hadn't confessed.

Spencer bobbed her head, another wave of trepidation washing over her. Toby tensed and went still, causing the knots in her stomach to form again.

"A million little things qualify. For one, there was a night last spring…you four had planned a sting in some greenhouse after the ordeal with the shovel. Mona was worked up about meeting Emily, suspicious for sure. She told me to keep an eye on you. I knew you would have been furious with me for doing this, but…I cornered you at your house and refused to leave until you would tell me what was going on…" he grimaced at the recollection. "When I saw the desperation in your eyes, I knew that I was diverting you from something significant. Selfishly, I didn't want you to go. It put you in danger, which made me just as desperate as you."

Exhaling quietly, Spencer ground her teeth together. After an extended silence, she nodded. "Okay. That makes sense…and I would have done the same if I were you."

"Spence, there's more. Something bigger." Toby shuddered as a long-suppressed image flashed through his brain. "Remember the day you called me your safe place to land?"

"Yes," she whispered shakily. "It was the same night that…oh, Toby…"

"I told you that if you needed anything, that I would be there. And I meant it. I was the one, I pushed him. I had to. He was going to kill you, and I didn't have a choice. Spencer, I—I killed Ian Thomas." He couldn't look at her. Not when he just admitted to murder.

Spencer threw her arms around Toby, a lone teardrop slipping down her cheek and soaking into his cotton shirt. "You saved me, sweetheart?"

"I had to." He said, his voice raw with emotion as he hugged her to him.

"God, we are so screwed up, aren't we?" she asked, the question muffled against his chest.

He snickered cynically. "Oh we've got to be way beyond screwed up by now."

Spencer arched her neck to see his face, her heart torn over all of the burdens he had been carrying for so long. "I wish you had told me this before. I can't believe that was you…you saved my life, Toby."

He shook his head. "How could I tell you that? 'Hey, Spencer, I'm the one who shoved Ian off of the bell tower. Don't worry about the black hoodie I was wearing, that part isn't important.' Yeah, that would have gone over great."

"Okay, so maybe not." She rolled her eyes at his sarcasm. "Well, I'm glad I know now. I…I don't even…I mean—" unable to communicate the surging in her soul, Spencer settled for a more effective method of thanking her protector. Standing on tiptoe, she imprisoned his lips with hers. She would go through it all over again if she still had Toby at the end of the day.

Toby was gasping for air as they parted, his heart thumping to the beat of their relentless love story. It was less than conventional, but it was theirs. He tucked an obstinate strand of Spencer's hair behind her ear, admiring her distinct beauty. "So? Any stone we left unturned?"

Just as she was about to let him off the hot seat, one last niggling memory surfaced; Spencer, being Spencer, had to know…

"Toby, the night of our anniversary, after I saw you and you left my house? Did Mona force you to stay quiet after that?"

His forehead creased, trying to remember what he would rather forget. "Not really. I wouldn't talk to her, wouldn't talk to anyone. I turned off both of my phones and shoved them somewhere I wouldn't have to look at them. I took off immediately, realizing I had gambled it all and lost big time. I vanished off the radar and sulked alone for weeks, unable to face the mess I'd made."

"Did you leave straight from my house?" she asked thinly.

"Look, Spencer, I know that it was a chicken's way out. I am not proud of how—"

"No, you don't understand!" Spencer interjected, hoping against hope. "Toby, I went to your loft that night and tried to find you. The deadbolt was on and so were the lights, so I knew you were there. I called through the door and begged for you to explain. I sat out there for so long…and you never opened the door…are you saying it wasn't you?"

His heart sank at the picture she had just painted. Toby gripped her arms with urgency, wanting to erase everything and start over. "Honey, I would have caved in the first 30 seconds. There is no way in hell I could have ever left you out there. Mona must have made a spare key at some point and been waiting for me to come back so she could gloat. I was long gone."

Their eyes met for what felt like years, watery ice blue mingling with an equally misty set of almond orbs. "I'm glad it wasn't you," she whispered. "It just didn't make sense…"

Toby pulled her back into an inviting embrace, swaying their bodies in time to the crashing waves. "I could never do that, Spence. Never." His lips brushed her temple in an assurance of his love.

They stayed like that for an indefinite stretch of time, basking in each other's warmth. A breeze off the water whipped through them, and Toby lifted his eyes to the sky. Detecting a few dark clouds gathering on the horizon, he murmured, "Maybe we should head back, Spencer. Looks like a storm might blow in soon."

Spencer read an added implication in the rumble of his voice, although she knew he hadn't meant anything beyond the literal message of his words. He had come clean with her, but her conscience had yet to be entirely cleared.

As they turned back toward the cottage hand in hand, she prayed that this storm would be a passing one.__

_**For those who have been asking, the next chapter will reveal Spencer's secret text...here's a hint: it comes straight from a season 3 episode and it has not yet been addressed in this fic. Guesses?**_


	10. Chapter 10

**_a/n: And now, what you've all been waiting for..._**

_I let you see the parts of me  
That weren't all that pretty_

"I found it," Spencer called weakly, the coiling dread in her stomach threatening to strangle her.

"Great!" Toby came sweeping through the kitchen and retrieved the lighter from her grasp. He disappeared through the archway that led to the living room, yet she felt cemented to the tiled floor.

"Spence, are you coming?"

_Time to face the music, Hastings._ She snapped out of her trance and closed the drawer in front of her. After their walk on the beach, Spencer knew she couldn't hold anything else back. Toby had been an open book, willing to discuss any part of his A team involvement. She owed him the same level of honesty.

Stepping hesitantly into the living room, Spencer's breath caught at the sight before her. Toby had gathered what looked to be every candle in the house and had lit them around the dark room. Their soft flickering cast an intimate glow over the already homey setting.

"Toby…" she felt her eyes fill, feeling stupid at the flux of her emotions.

"Before you get all impressed, I need to remind you that I only did this in case the power goes out. But don't let that stop you from getting in the mood if you so wish," he finished with a wink.

A crack of thunder resounded with perfect timing. Spencer shivered in response. _No backing down_.

Toby took in his girlfriend's appearance from his place on the sofa. She stood ramrod still, her arms crossed, eyes down. His gut twisted in concern. "Spencer? Are you okay?"

"I have to tell you something. Well, two things actually."

"Alright," he answered, his mouth twitching downward at her melancholy tone. "Then come over here and tell me."

She crept across the carpet, her heart racing. Stopping before him, Spencer raised her eyes to look at Toby. She could lose him over this, and that thought terrified her more than anything.

He placed his hands on her elbows, tugging gently. "Sit with me, Spence. It will be okay."

"N-no, please, I need to stand…" The trembling in her voice was sending him over the edge.

Spencer shifted her weight from one foot to the other, then back again. Deciding to start with the easier of the two confessions, she cleared her throat and plunged ahead. "I told you a lot last night about what happened to me after you left my kitchen and went missing. I tried to make sense of it at first, wanted to rationalize what I had seen, searching frantically for signs that you still loved me. But the trail turned cold and…I got angry."

She began to pace, her words spilling out uncontrollably. "I did some things that I am ashamed of. I was lonely and hurting and I wanted so badly to hate you, but I couldn't stop loving you at the same time. I pushed everyone away and kind of lashed out." She stopped her movements and faced him fully, shrinking at his attentive posture. If Toby Cavanaugh was anything, he was constant.

"Toby…I kissed Wren. He showed up when I was at my worst, with no idea as to what was going on. And it was nice to have an escape, to have someone who wasn't treating me like fragile glass…" Spencer's voice gave out momentarily. After a few painful swallows, she went on with her eyes focused on the pattern of the area rug. "The kiss meant nothing; I was just so tired of being this fragment of a person. But he wasn't you. I wanted you."

She chanced another look at Toby. His head was in his hands, his expression unreadable. Spencer took a few steps back, tears springing to her coffee-colored eyes.

Hearing her discreet withdrawal from the room, Toby lifted his gaze. "Spencer, wait."

He stood silently, then proceeded toward her with a calm resoluteness in each step. She felt another shiver rake through her body. Toby's fingers lifted her chin, forcing her to face him.

"This kiss really meant nothing?"

"Nothing at all," she said, her voice scraping.

"Do you want to be with him, Spencer?" Toby asked evenly. "I'm serious. Are there some lingering feelings there? Because I don't want to have this conversation again. If there is some unresolved—"

"No, Toby, I promise!" She assured with conviction, her lips quivering. "It's you. It's only you."

He nodded, his blue eyes trained on her with determination. A muscle in his jaw jumped. "You're certain?"

"Yes." Spencer blinked back impending tears. "I want you, Toby. Only you."

She saw his jaw twitch again. Suddenly, his mouth descended on hers with such force that she staggered backward. His hands were everywhere, leaving her breathless. Spencer reacted with a matched fervor, opening her mouth to his and gripping the roots of his hair with need. Her back met with the wall, his hand cupping her head to cushion the impact. His body pinned hers against the drywall and her knees buckled unexpectedly. Toby was there, his arms locked around her weightless figure, keeping her upright as his lips crashed into hers again. He left a line of hot kisses down her neck before pulling back to gauge her reaction.

Spencer touched the tips of her fingers to her puffed-up lips, dizzy and panting. Her normally dark eyes were two shades murkier than usual. She couldn't tear them away from Toby, who still had her in his arms.

"Has he ever kissed you like that?" His voice was gruff and low.

She shook her head back and forth, trying to find words. "Not even close."

"Good." Toby said confidently. His lips captured hers again, but this kiss was slow and sweet. He let her go little by little, blinking in concentration. He needed space for the sake of clarity.

"Okay, so there was something else?"

And with that question, the haze fogging her brain instantly vacated. Spencer pinched the bridge of her nose, willing herself to not collapse prematurely. She shoved off the wall and slunk across the room. Picking up her cellphone with wobbly fingers, Spencer turned back to face Toby. She unlocked it with a queasy feeling rising in her throat, then slid through her inbox until she reached the vile message that had haunted her for the last 24 hours.

Toby watched with a mix of alarm and curiosity. Apparently this was the source of last night's stilted argument, yet her despondent demeanor had him worried. If Spencer had a full-on panic attack, he wouldn't know what to do…

She extended her hand in his direction, noiselessly offering the phone to him. He noted the tremor that passed through her as he accepted it. Toby squinted at the image before him, a setting he knew he should recognize. Below it, the caption warned menacingly: Tell him or I will.

The scene clicked into place. "Spence, what is this? The mausoleum? Why do you have a picture of this?"

Cringing at the heightened tenor of his voice, Spencer thought she might vomit. This was too hard. "A—Mona, Red Coat, whoever—sent this to me while we were in the truck yesterday."

"Why?" Toby set the phone down on the arm of the couch and placed his hands on Spencer's shoulders. She flinched violently.

Spencer pulled away. _I don't deserve to be touched._ "Toby…like I said, I wasn't thinking straight. I wasn't myself, and I thought that you didn't love me. That you had been toying with me the whole time, that our relationship had all been fake, all so you could hurt me. And so I wanted to hurt you back."

Tears were streaming down her face, the shivers now overtaking her completely. Toby felt his heart leap at the sight, but he was now just as afraid for himself as he was for her. "What did you do, Spencer?"

"I—I—oh, Toby, I'm so sorry. I—" Spencer barely restrained the sobs that blocked the air from reaching her lungs. "I was in there because of Ali. They were moving her body since it had been dug up…I saw it after everyone else left—your mom's tombstone."

Toby felt frozen. He couldn't speak, couldn't breathe.

"I don't know what came over me," she whispered as another cry broke her speech. "I was consumed with this blinding rage, and I—I carved your name above your mother's. I am so sorry, and I'll pay to get it fixed, I swear, I—"

"Spencer."

Her eyes swept over him, stricken at what she saw. His skin was ashen, his fists clenched. There was no expression in any feature of his face; it was a mask of cool indifference, as if made of stone.

"Toby, I—"

"Don't say anything, please. I…I just need a minute."

And with that he strode through the front door, the screen slapping against the entryway as another clap of thunder sounded.

Spencer couldn't see through the blur of tears crowding her vision. With not a shred of strength left, her body crumpled to the floor. Sobs racked through her slim frame. She huddled into a ball and let the truth sink in. She was alone. She had lost Toby and she was alone. Again.

The lights flickered, then went out.


	11. Chapter 11

**_a/n: TODAY IS PLL DAY! I can barely contain my excitement. Anyway, on to the story! I've been loving the reviews, you guys are amazing! Enjoy._**

_My dear, we still have everything_

A single raindrop fell from the brooding sky and plopped onto Toby's arm. Talk about irony. He ignored it and continued pacing through the high grass that snaked between the cottage and its adjoining property. Spencer had tested his devotion many times before, making him crazy with her lies. Yet in all of her silent secrets and strained avoidances, she had never hurt him quite like this. This wasn't the product of some behind the scenes work of an unknown puppet master, cruelly pulling strings and calling shots. This was personal.

She had defaced his mother's grave, all he had left of her. She had vandalized his dead mother's memory. _I'm sorry, Mom._

That thought startled Toby enough to halt his progress on the path he was wearing into the yard. He pictured his beautiful mother, her contagious smile and melodic voice. He had lost so much when she had passed, but did that excuse the man he had become? What would she think of her son now, a pitiful victim lurking in the shadows and deceiving the only one he loved?

And she would have adored Spencer. They would have been fast friends, bonding over coffee and crosswords. How he yearned to have her back, to have her meet his gorgeous and talented girlfriend.

Lightning flashed on the horizon and the rain quickened, but Toby was too consumed in thought to care. He recalled Spencer's battered tone as she called across her kitchen, catching him in his traitorous black hoodie. He relived the agony in her brown eyes, the sting of her slap. But instead of dealing with it, owning up to his actions and fighting for her, he had fled shamefully. If everything she had told him this weekend had been true, then the strong Spencer he knew had dissolved into a lonely, grieving, reckless shell of a person. He knew what that kind of desperation felt like, what it had driven him to do. How could he fault her for one destructive act when he had betrayed her with such ruthlessness? If it had not been for his own horrendous choices, Spencer would have never done such a thing.

Toby was soaked to the bone, the fury in his chest dissipating. Just as he decided to return to the house and find Spencer, a distant noise caught his attention. He almost dismissed it, but then it sounded again from afar. Pushing a piece of damp hair off of his forehead, Toby rounded the back end of the cottage and caught sight of a drenched Spencer halfway down the beach with her hands cupped around mouth.

"Toby? Toby!" she called dimly over the unbridled wind and waves. She wobbled precariously through the uneven sand.

His heart surged at the sight of her. He ran through the torrents of rain, shouting after her. "Spencer! Spencer, come back!"

She spun on her heels, her hair whipping around her face with another blast of wind. "I checked the front yard and you weren't there! I thought you might be out here and I didn't want you to—"

"It's okay, I'm right here," he interrupted her distraught words, placing steadying hands on her tiny waist. Her mocha eyes were huge with worry. Toby pulled her body flush against his and kissed her thoroughly. She eagerly met his mouth stride for stride, relief and desire coursing through her.

But then her guilt kicked in. "Wait. I don't deserve this, I—"

Toby kept her close, refusing to let her get far. "Fine, let's talk about what we deserve for a minute," he roared over the storm. "You know what I deserve? None of this! If I got what I deserved, I would be alone, still in Mona's claws, hating myself and missing you. But you forgave me. Now please shut up and let me forgive you."

He sucked on her bottom lip, begging for entrance. Spencer's hesitation melted along with her heart. She granted him permission, dueling with his mouth, never getting enough. Her fingers threaded themselves into the hair at the nape of his neck as one of his hands strayed up her ribcage.

Another crackle of thunder boomed from above, causing Spencer to jump, jolting her skull against his. Toby chuckled into her mouth. "Scaredy-cat," he muttered against her lips.

Before she could protest, Toby had hitched her upward, his solid arms holding her to him. She giggled, her legs automatically locking into place around his hips as he began to carry her through the rain. Spencer buried her head into the crook of his shoulder, leaving small pecks on his slippery skin. He bounded up the back steps and pushed open the sliding door, both of them laughing and breathless.

Toby set her down gingerly and smoothed back the hair that was plastered to the sides of her face. Spencer watched him intently, shuddering at the icy chill of her skin and the racing pulse of her lust. His waterlogged V-neck was stretched provocatively over his taut muscles and his blue eyes were even more piercing than usual. Little did she know, Toby was having similar thoughts, his longing spurred on by the way her sweater was sliding off of her shoulder to reveal the creamy white skin beneath.

"We should probably dry off." He heard the words and recognized them as his own, yet Toby made no move to follow through with what he had said.

Spencer inched closer, sure of what she wanted. Her hands played with the hem of his shirt for a moment, then she yanked the fabric upward, revealing his impressive set of abs. "Yes, we should dry off. Let me help you with this shirt."

His eyes slid shut at Spencer's touch and the husky quality of her voice. Toby willingly obeyed, raising his arms as she removed the article of clothing and let it drop to the floor. Her hands danced over his exposed skin, her palms mapping out familiar territory. She kissed his collarbone, sending shockwaves through him as her warm mouth marked his cool skin. Snapping out of his Spencer-induced trance, Toby decided to step up to the plate.

"Well I can't let you catch a cold, Spence. Better get rid of that wet sweater." The flirting lilt of his voice made her smirk. He quickly wiped that expression off, though, as his hands slid underneath her shirt and found her lacy bra. Taking pride in her affected moan at his caress, Toby dipped his hands back to the sweater's hem and lifted it over her head, tossing it away.

She already missed his touch. Pulling him towards her with her fingers wound through the belt loops of his damp jeans, Spencer initiated another kiss. Toby toyed with the strap of her black bra, gliding his fingers along the delicate material. Her arms circled his neck, bringing their bodies even closer so that their torsos were fused. He deepened the kiss, his tongue finding its way into her mouth. Spencer's hips rocked forward in response, producing a loud groan from Toby.

He needed more. His hands shifted, grabbing at her waist and hoisting her onto the kitchen island with ease. Toby stepped between her legs and Spencer quickly adjusted, rejoining their mouths and wrapping her long legs around him. She relished the feel of his lips beneath hers, a position she rarely found herself in. With her hands on either side of his face, Spencer murmured "I love you" into the kiss. She felt his smile rather than saw it. Toby pulled away long enough to press three small kisses into her hairline.

"I love you, too." His lips were back on hers, spelling out his feelings with something much more moving than letters or words. She felt his hands on her spine, her shoulders, her hair. Toby bit down lightly on her lower lip, utterly lost in her. Spencer gasped deliciously, goose bumps breaking out all over. She scooted nearer, feeling hot and cold and alive.

Toby's resolve was rapidly breaking. He found her hands with his and held them still, craning his head back microscopically to see her.

A thick pause passed between them. The room was silent save for the dripping of their clothes and their heavy breathing. Spencer's dark eyes were unwavering, communicating a message to Toby that he had seen before. An inaudible understanding was forged, but he couldn't help but ask—"You're sure?"

She kissed the indent on his chin. "Yes. If you'll still have me."

"For the rest of my life."

With that, he lifted her off of the counter and carried her up the steps.


	12. Chapter 12

_**a/n: Ok, so I'm reaching the end here...I have another chapter written after this one, but I'm kind of struggling with how to finish the story out. So this might be the next to last chapter, but I'm debating the effectiveness of an epilogue. We'll see I guess! **_

_**Also, what did you think of that premiere last night?! Overall, I was happy with it, but poor Tobes! I hate seeing him so sad. Now forget all of that before you read on, because my season 4 is on a much different track :)**_

LOVE THOSE REVIEWS!

* * *

_No, nothing is as bad as it seems  
We'll come clean_

Toby drew a lethargic design onto Spencer's bare back, sure that she was asleep. Her breath was coming in spurts from where her head was nestled against his chest. He sighed sluggishly, the picture of contentment. Lying in a jumble of sheets, skin to skin with the love of his life, basking in an unparalleled afterglow? This was paradise.

Spencer had thrown a leg over him and curled an arm around his torso, anchoring herself to him. Her body had gone slack a while ago, motionless but radiating warmth. So she completely caught him off guard when he felt her lips brush his muscled abdomen. His fingertips ceased their route along her slender back.

"Don't stop." She commanded idly.

Toby grinned as he resumed his lazy movements. She was so cute when she was bossy. "My apologies, Miss Hastings."

Spencer snickered at his highbrow accent. She felt delightfully weighted down, her bones permanently sealed in a position of complete gratification. "Let's stay here forever."

Her soft murmur made his heart flip. "Mmm, I wish. Never go home, lay out on the beach every day and fish for our supper every night."

"Our friends could visit on the weekends. We'd have a big clam bake and watch the sunset. Who needs the real world?"

"You do, Spence." Toby tangled his other hand in her chestnut locks. "You're going to go to an ivy-covered institution, set the place on fire with all your brilliance, and then conquer the world."

She laughed, her arm tightening its hold around his middle. "It sounds like I'm becoming a superhero somewhere in the midst of that plan."

"Maybe you already are one." His voice was low, and Spencer felt like his bantering tone was slipping away.

"And what about you? Where are you in that story?" She had tried to keep her question light, but an unanticipated sadness nipped at her.

Toby exhaled slowly. He had always known Spencer was going places in life, places that he had never belonged. They were different in that way, but it was part of what made them compatible. "I never want to hold you back, sweetheart…"

Spencer jerked upward, twisting to see his face. "Toby! Is that really what you think? Because I want you with me, every step of the way. I—"

He smiled and placed his hand over her mouth. "You didn't let me finish. I never want to hold you back…but Rosewood isn't exactly home sweet home for me. So, if it wouldn't be too much of a distraction, I want to go with you. People need carpenters everywhere, right?"

She pressed a kiss to the center of his palm, which he then relocated to her cheek. Her almond eyes were achingly tender as she whispered, "You'd do that for me? Start over somewhere new?"

"It wouldn't be starting over if I get to be with you, now would it?" Toby leaned over and kissed her gently, their foreheads meeting. "So what do you think?"

"I think," she answered, glued to his azure gaze, "that we will be conquering the world together."

They kissed, a spark of the future lighting their passion. Spencer rolled over slightly and sat up, straddling him. Her lips sought his again, her hands palming his chest. His hands found her hips, and without parting their joined mouths, he flipped them over.

Spencer gasped as her back hit the cool sheets, startled at his seamless shift. She dragged her nails along his back, skimming lower toward his waist. He growled as her fingers glided further along the contours of his backside. Toby unleashed a flood of open kisses that began at her chin but quickly descended, his mouth hitting the sensitive flesh of her breast in no time. She moaned his name loudly, the sound accelerating his desire.

Their bodies rocked in a rhythm that only they knew, their feelings expressed in a language only they spoke. Spencer reached for Toby's head, pulling his mouth back up to hers. The escalating heat burned through both of them, a feverish spell controlling their every move.

"Toby, I need—" she huffed, her calves folding around his hips.

"I know, love, I know." Toby kissed her temple and threaded his fingers through hers. She wrapped her other arm around him, clinging to his frame as their bodies met. His breath caught as she tightened around him. "God, Spence—"

He couldn't muster another word, his mind completely blank of anything that wasn't her. They reached a rapid climax, both too overcome to hold on for much longer. Spencer's frenzied cries rang out through the room, bringing Toby over the edge with her.

As their bodies stilled and their breathing gradually became normal, a serene calm settled over them. Toby rolled off of her and laid back, keeping their fingers intertwined. He stole a glimpse in her direction, surprised to see her sated eyes looking right back at him. Spencer lifted their linked hands to her lips and kissed each of his knuckles, love shining in her eyes.

Toby leaned over and kissed her earlobe. He glanced up at the nearby window, noticing that dusk had draped itself over the dunes. "It's getting dark. And I think the rain stopped."

She hummed, a mischievous look crossing her features. "You know what we should do?"

"I don't like the sound of this."

"I didn't say anything yet!" Spencer exclaimed, swatting at his side. "Come on."

And with that, she was stumbling out of bed and tugging him behind her. Toby followed, shaking his head with laughter. She rummaged through the closet and shoved a towel in his direction, then wrapped herself in a matching one. He did the same, tucking his around his waist.

"Let's go!" Spencer slipped through the door and flew down the steps.

"Spencer, wait! This is not a good idea!" Toby knew his opinion was worthless at this point, so he trailed her through the house. She was already to the glass doors at the back of the cottage, hitching the cotton fabric higher around her upper body.

"Spence, the air temperature alone will give us hypothermia. This is insane!"

She spun around, angling her head to the side as she looked at him. "Tobyyy," she whined, "it is a symbolic representation of our relationship metamorphosis!"

"I'm sorry, what?" Toby snorted at her ridiculous choice of words. "Only you would make skinny dipping sound like an abstract religious experience!"

Spencer's big brown eyes trapped him. "Please, Toby? It will be fun."

_Oh I'm a goner._ He ran a hand through his hair, admitting defeat. "Okay. But I don't want to hear any pouting about how cold you are later."

Her whole face lit up. She kissed him swiftly then turned back and swung the doors open. "Well what are you waiting for?" Spencer grabbed his hand and took off in a run.

The stinging cold air greeted the pair with a shocking blow, but Spencer was unruffled. Toby matched her pace, their feet slapping in unison down the wooden stairs and through the sand. As they neared the water's edge, a sudden swell of water licked at their ankles.

"Oh my god!" Spencer yelped, jumping backwards.

"Come on, Spence! It will be fun," Toby teased, not at all surprised at her reaction to the chilly sea. "We have to commemorate our relationship's symbolic something or other!"

Her eyes narrowed at the hint of a challenge. "What? You don't think I'll do it?"

"Nope. We should just turn back now," he called over the breaking waves.

Spencer sauntered closer, her hand slipping up and down his bicep. "Toby, I love you, but you aren't getting out of this, sweetheart."

She drew back a few steps, then stretched her arms upward and let the towel drop in a heap. Toby's jaw dropped a little too. The pale moonlight cast an ethereal glow over the span of Spencer's skin, which was all enticingly visible.

"There is really no point in keeping yours on. I can see what's going on under there anyway." Her raspy tone forced him look down hastily. Toby reddened at his obvious attraction evident through the thin cotton towel. With a flick of his wrist, it joined hers in the sand. Spencer whistled in reply.

_Time to teach her lesson_. Toby charged at her, throwing her wispy figure over his shoulder and jogging straight for the ocean. Her squeals did nothing to stop him.

"Toby! Toby! Put me down!" It was too late. He was already knee deep in water when he unceremoniously dumped her into an incoming wave. Spencer sprang up seconds later, coughing and spewing. Toby just laughed and dove into the next frosty surge of water.

Her eyes searched for him, knowing he had to come up for air soon. She hopped over another crashing wave, but Toby was still out of sight. Just as fear began to creep in, Spencer felt something latch onto her ankle. She screamed and tried to yank herself free, but Toby popped up from beneath the dark tide and splashed her.

"TOBY! Not funny!"

He smirked and slicked back his dripping hair. "It was funny and you know it. Come here."

She felt his fingers grasp at her elbow and allowed him to haul her closer. "What?"

"We're going further out."

Panic swarmed her eyes. "This is as far as I go."

"You'll be fine, come on." Toby turned, but she stayed firmly stationed in her spot. "Spencer. I'll protect you. I promise."

Her gaze was fixed beyond him at the mammoth waves in the distance. She felt his strong arms wrap around her, drawing her into his hold. "I'll do all the work, okay?"

"That's the line you used about the motorcycle," Spencer grumbled under her breath.

"And how much did you love that? Trust me, you'll love this too." He caught her lower lip in a saltwater kiss.

Next thing she knew, they were trudging through the powerful waves. Her limbs stayed locked around him as he went further from the shore, carrying them to what was surely their death.

When Toby pulled back slightly, his crystal eyes were gleaming off the dark water. They bobbed tranquilly. "Look around, Spence. We're past where the waves break."

Spencer did as she was told, taking in the glasslike stillness that stretched on and on. She raised her eyes heavenward, gasping at what she saw. "Toby, the stars…there are so many of them."

He smiled at her reverent whisper, craning his neck to take in the infinite stretch of twinkling stars. "Wow, they don't look like this at home, do they?"

They remained like that for several minutes, their arms circling each other and their eyes to the sky. Toby broke the silence eventually, nudging her ear with his lips, "Can you feel anything at all? Because every part of me has gone numb."

"Are you kidding?" She returned, her teeth chattering. "I'm frozen solid. But I was given strict instructions—no pouting."

Toby laughed, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "And you've been such a good sport! But I think we better get out of here before we become a headline."

He tucked Spencer close to his side as he began the trek back to land. She closed her eyes, committing to memory a night she never wanted to forget…a beautiful swirl of ocean, stars, and a blue-eyed boy.


	13. Chapter 13

_**a/n: This is the final chapter, so I hope you enjoy it! You have all been amazing reviewers/followers and I have been really encouraged by all of the positive feedback. THANKS!**_

This story was grounded in the idea that Toby and Spencer had a lot of emotional baggage to overcome that they wouldn't be able to get through in one conversation. I feel (and hope you agree) that I have fully explored that idea, so it's time to let them go. Thanks again for reading! Let me know what you think, and feel free to PM me with other prompts!

* * *

_Just give me a reason,  
Just a little bit's enough  
Just a second, we're not broken  
Just bent and we can learn to love again._

The prancing flames beckoned to Spencer, the flurry of red and orange reflecting in her eyes. The scorching scent of black acrid smoke filled her nostrils, blurring her judgment. The mist, the plane, the smoldering lodge…their plan crumbling faster than the wooden structure; the seemingly supernatural flash of red, blonde curls spilling from beneath the mysterious hood—it all played like a silent film before Spencer.

A hand gripped her shoulder. She recoiled, her breath catching.

"Spence? I just said your name at least three times. Didn't you hear me?" Toby's pinched expression effectively chastised her.

"I—I'm sorry…I guess I was just lost in thought." She shook her head as if trying to clear it.

"Mesmerized was more like it. You were really freaking me out. Now I was asking if you wanted marshmallows in yours or not. So what will it be?"

Spencer smiled, her hand coming up to rest on top of his. "Yes, please. I really could have handled it, you know? You already built the fire."

Toby returned her smile. "Your lips were a frightening shade of blue! I couldn't risk you going into shock, okay? Now stay put and I'll be right back."

"Yes, sir," she called sarcastically.

Spencer huddled further into the fleece blanket that he had thrown over her after their little adventure. The heat from the fireplace seeped into her skin, steadily warming her. Toby reappeared, pressing a mug of steaming hot chocolate into her hand. He settled next to her on the floor and took a sip of his own drink. She reached for his hand reflexively, squeezing it with fondness.

"Thanks, love," she purred as her lips found the rim of her mug. He just squeezed her hand back, not needing words to say what she already knew.

A soft crackling from the hearth filled the room as they drank slowly. Toby scooted closer and kissed the crown of Spencer's head. She sighed contentedly and let her head drop to his shoulder.

"What were you thinking about a minute ago?" His question was so low that she almost didn't understand it.

"The night at the lodge. Red Coat, the fire, all of it." She closed her eyes, seeing it all again.

"You really think it was Alison, don't you?"

Spencer searched his inquiry for a trace of cynicism, but found none. "I know it doesn't make sense…but, yes, I do. And so does Hanna. Mona too, not that I'm jumping on that bandwagon quite yet."

She paused, waiting for him to say something. Another pop and hiss sounded from the shifting logs. "Do you think I'm crazy, Toby? To even entertain the idea?"

He dropped another kiss to her temple and stroked her hand with his thumb. "No, I don't. With everything we've lived through…I've learned to suspend my disbelief."

Spencer nodded sympathetically, his weary tone matching the feeling deep in her soul. "Sometimes I feel like we're all a hundred years old with the kind of crap we've gone through. We live the same nightmare over and over again. When do we stop burying people? How many more trips do I have to make to the police station, how many more statements do I have to give them? I haven't even graduated from high school and I'm tired. I'm always tired."

There was no vehemence in her words, no anger or spite. That's what scared Toby the most. Spencer Hastings was full of fight, but this girl was…defeated. Finished. He let go of her hand and put his mug down, turning to face her fully.

"I know what you mean, Spencer, I do. But this isn't going to last forever, I promise you that." His hands grasped either side of her face, his blue eyes offering her the world. "You have so much more ahead of you than anonymous text messages and things that go bump in the night. It feels like we're permanently shackled to the Rosewood black hole of secrets and shame, but I'm telling you, we're breaking free of it all. One way or another, this will all be over and I'm not resting until that's our new reality."

A few tears escaped Spencer's big brown eyes, her dark lashes blinking rapidly. "You can't make that promise…"

"Too bad, because I am." The pads of his thumbs swept away the tracks of moisture on her prominent cheekbones. "I love you, Spencer, and this is coming to an end. For good."

"I want to believe you." Her voice wavered. "As much as I hate you being involved in all of this, it's nice to not be alone. I mean, I love Aria and Em and Hanna, but—"

"But you've spent a lot of the last year and half being the backbone of the group."

Spencer's eyes faltered, her attention back on the flames. "We all want the same things, to move on, to sleep better at night, to love someone without living in constant fear of losing them." She exhaled heavily. "So much for 'keep Toby safe.'"

"Honey, no offense, but I haven't been 'safe' in a long time, and that was my choosing." Toby's eyebrow arched as her gaze returned to him.

"Yeah, silly me." She kissed the corner of his mouth, wanting him to know she wasn't upset.

He held her there, moving to properly align their lips. Spencer deepened the kiss, a mix of cocoa, the sea, and something inexpressible. Toby was the one to pull away first, keeping his hands fused to her jaw. "I'll tell you how you can keep me safe, keep us both safe."

"How's that?" she asked, her voice husky.

His eyes were serious. "Keep me in the loop. No more secrets. No more lies. Don't let me fly blind here, Spence. The more I know, the better I can watch my own back while I watch yours. We're leaving tomorrow, but it can be different now. We've got a clean slate, right?"

Spencer took his hands in hers, knitting their fingers together and resting them in her lap. "Right. And same goes for you, okay? No hero antics or suicide missions, Mr. Alpha Male. We work together and tell each other everything from here on out. Even if it hurts."

"And at some point it probably will hurt…but I can't handle another weekend like this, a big tell-all confessional. If we're upfront and honest, no matter what A or anyone else throws at us, we'll be stronger this time." He lifted one set of their conjoined hands to kiss a freckle on her wrist. "Deal?"

"Deal." Her mocha eyes sparkled in the firelight, the burdens of the past thawing under the tangible assurance in his sapphire stare. They sealed it with a kiss, a covenant of their renewed trust. They were standing firm on this love, come what may.

Toby stood, extending his hands to pull Spencer to her feet. He led her to the corner of the sofa and drew her into his lap, stroking her damp hair away from her face and planting affectionate kisses at the base of her neck. She curled against his body, fitting perfectly against him.

This was home and nothing would ever shake that.


End file.
